Implausible Everything

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My buddy, Charlie Allden, of Smart Girls SciFi asked a good question on her blog yesterday.  “How long do you give a book before you give up on it?”

I’ve read thousands of historical romance novels.  If one didn’t engage me after the first few pages I didn’t hesitate to put it down.  I’m still that way.  There are just too many from which to choose and time is a precious commodity these days.  However, what do you do when the first several chapters totally engage you then suddenly the author starts writing like a newbie?  She went from showing me how the characters felt, what they saw, etc., to telling me.  The dialogue went from realistic and tight to stupid and implausible.  Real men don’t say, think, and do the things she now is forcing them to.  *insert finger down throat and gag here*

What irritates me the most about this story/author is that she’s multi-published by a huge house.  This is the first of her stories I’ve ever read and she/they unwittingly lost a potential new reader of her other books.  Just because an author was previously successful doesn’t mean the editor should blindly okay future manuscripts without fully editing the dang things.  I don’t care who you are.  God willing, someday I’ll have an editor who’ll offer me the chance to prove my story-telling worth; I hope said editor will make me work my butt off for the privilege of signing with his/her house. 

My blogging partner, Abigail Sharpe, of Chicks in the Kitchen and her own blog Don’t Hang Up the Quill, always gives an author two tries.  When money’s tight and I already have a suitcase (she knows what I’m talking about!) full of books to read + a large canvas bag stuffed full from the RWA national conference + a giant box shoved into the bottom of my linen closet, I don’t have the inclination to give an author more of my time or money with lines such as, Edward made a concerned noise.  What the heck is a “concerned noise?”  A groan, a moan, a hmm, ahem?  What did it sound like?

Is this so wrong?  Am I being far too harsh?  Did I wake up on the wrong side of the planet AND someone stole my coffee?     

The problem now is, if I’ve invested over 200 pages of my time, should I press on even if the author totally turned me off to her writing?  A part of me keeps hoping the excitement and realism of the first 50 pages will magically infect the rest of the story.   The rational part of my brain says it’s not going to happen; the wishful part keeps turning the stupid page.

Happy reading?

Lis’Anne

Normal Moments, Inc.

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Normal Moments, Inc. is a Chicago-based charity opening a chapter in Indianapolis.  They work to give more “normal moments” for parents with critically ill children by providing services such as sending a professional cleaning service into the home, snow removal, lawn care, and ultimately matching a family with a volunteer who will donate 3 – 4 hours every 2 weeks to help.

Amanda Farmer-Dye is the Leader for the Indianapolis chapter and would like to ask for your help in supporting this non-profit organization by making a donation.  All donations go directly to paying for professional services for the family and for overhead, which is primarily printing.  Please check out their website at www.normalmoments.org where you can find out more about this great organization.  You can also make a donation on the website.  When making a donation, please include “Indianapolis” on the invoice or in the description box when filling out the credit/debit card info to ensure that the funds will be allocated to this new chapter.

It’s a very worthy cause.  Please donate what you can–even if it’s only a few dollars–or more importantly, your time!  Thank you!

Lis’Anne

MIA

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Sorry I slacked off posting over the past several months.  The Southern Lights Writers Conference is gearing up and I’m on the committee this year.  So much to do, so little time!   

Recently I had suffered from extreme writer’s block. I couldn’t even muster up the energy to read my faves unless it was emailed to me. When I heard the great Nathan Bransford quit agenting to take a job with CNET, severe depression set in. :(   Not that I ever intended to query him since I don’t write what he used to represent, but he was a damn good agent. His career change added to the perception of the publishing world crumbling in this horrid economy. I’m so very glad he’s still blogging about books, and even more thrilled to see debut romance authors appearing left and right!  

I had a major writing breakthrough a few days ago that reenergized me–and one of my critique partners talked me into starting a new blog venture with her–Chicks in the Kitchen–about what’s happening in each of ours. The neatest part of this one is taking pictures of our culinary masterpieces and sharing recipes along with our writing lives.  We have some guest bloggers lined up to share the goings-on in their kitchens, as well. 

So, I’m back, but with no guarantees on how often I’ll post here.  I still have sandcastledreamer.blogspot.com to work on, too.  A new Random Surf Report will be up on that site shortly.

Happy reading & writing!
Lis

Word Rebel

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It seems like forever since I’ve given an update, but in reality it’s ony been a week or so.  Heck, I don’t even know what today’s date is.  I’ve been so submersed in writing I’ve barely had time to come up for air.

Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with my sister, Lauri, about this awesome little island I’ve decided we all simply have to move to.  I wrote 4 articles for this brilliant Caribbean gem and found the coolest beachfront bar for sale.  I can just imagine going to work barefoot and wearing a cute little sun dress.  (As a creative writer, you know I can clearly see it all in my mind’s eye.)

Anyway, back to my conversation with Lauri.  I was in the midst of writing about an unsolved mystery and MS Word decided to put a squiggly green line beneath three words.  This is the back and forth between my sister and I:

Me:  Here’s the cool article I wrote on Roatan Island real estate.

Lauri:  I’m sold!  Where do I sign?  :)  Nice work!

Me:  :)  I’m ready to go–even if I have to fish for my supper and live in a grass hut!  LOL  This island rarely gets any hurricane activity (ignore the gargantuan hurricane currently bearing down on Honduras) and is far removed from political strife.  It almost sounds too good to be true.

Lauri:  And I really like fish!  I’ve seen this island on International House Hunters, but didn’t pay close attention.  Just about any island will work for me, except for Haiti…

Me:  Or Cuba. (o_0)  At least we have a destination in mind if we need to get out of Dodge asap.  Do you ever watch Man Woman Wild?  I love that show!  I’m sure I could survive anywhere with a machete and a pair of shoe strings!  LOL

What the heck is a split infinitive? (rhetorical question–I’ll figure it out)  Stupid Word underlined “to quickly learn.” 

Lauri:  Adverb goes after the verb… I think.  Not sure it’s called a verb, though.  Should be, to learn quickly, again, I think. ; )  Where were we when grammar was being taught?

Me:  Ah ha…but I prefer to split my infinitives then.  I want to quickly learn something, not learn quickly.  That just feels wrong.  I’ve always been a word rebel.  You know, all grammar lessons were made up by someone.  What the heck did they know?  LOL

Lauri:  Hmm.  Yes, English is rather stupid.  I, too, prefer the split infinitive.  A word rebel!  Never thought of this before.  Yeah, like who thought up the verb tenses?  One dude or a committee?

I think it was the only dude who had a sharp enough chisel to inscribe it in stone.  No one had an eraser to correct him.  And, btw, “sneaked” just sounds wrong.

Okay, enough messing around.  Back to work. ;)

Happy writing, y’all!

Lis’Anne

Blurbs, Blurbs, and More Blurbs

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Yeah, I’m writing.  Unfortunately, not what I really want to be writing.  It’s money, though.  And the sad thing is, it’s not even really good money.  There was a job I really, really, really wanted.  Since I haven’t heard anything I suppose I didn’t get it.  That’s left me writing informative blurbs for websites. 

I’m all blah over it.  Like this:  (o_O)

If anyone out there has a cool abstract writing position for me, I’m right here waiting to blow your mind away with my keen ability to condense an international headline news article into 2-3 sentences.

My only other option is medical transcription and I really, really, really don’t want to do it! 

Wait.  What I really and truly want is a cushy home for my historical romance novels.  Okay, so I’m a dreamer.  I’ll just have to keep on dreaming.  :)

Happy writing…whatever it is you’re writing!

Lis’Anne

When a Book Shouldn’t Pass Muster

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Kassia Krozser’s recent blog post on Booksquare titled  A Question of Value struck a deep chord with me.  Having just finished a book I complained about all the way through, I wanted to chuck it in the trash so as not to inflict it upon myself.  Unfortunately, I have no time machine to go back a week.

The historical romance I closed for the last time this morning irritated me the whole way through.  It was by a USA Today bestselling author.  I had never read her work before; sadly, for her and her publisher, I never will again.  This book was so easy to put down it took an entire week to slug my way through it. 

You may wonder why I continued reading if I abhorred it so much and I constantly asked myself that very question every time I picked it up.  I guess I kept hoping it would get better.  Alas, it only grew worse. 

Here are a few things NOT to do when writing a novel:

* Describe the h/h eyes on every single page–and use it as the only source of color throughout the entire story.

* Repeat the heroine’s reason for her behavior on every single page.

* Make the h/h’s actions and reactions implausible.  A reader can suspend disbelief for only so long.

* Insert more than 2 coincidences in an entire novel.  There wasn’t a single person in this story who happened upon the h/h and wasn’t coincidentally connected/related to them.

* Use 150 pages of filler to make the book longer.

* Last and most importantly, NEVER throw in an obvious plot device near the end of the story.

I’m sure when I first began writing I was guilty of all of the above.  A bestseller published by a huge house shouldn’t be.   Now that I’ve voiced my irritation I can move on to the next novel in my TBR pile.

Happy writing! :-)

Lis’Anne

Writing Doldrums

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Have you ever flipped and flopped from one day to the next like a (cliché alert) fish out of water?

I lost one paddle and I’m not sufficiently motivated to dip the other and make progress.  I’m stuck around page 85 on my current wip and can’t think of the words I want to get my h/h to the next scene.  I have no idea what’s wrong with me.  I open it every day, struggle to meet a 100/100 challenge I joined, then end up working on networking/marketing for the day I sell one of my other stories that is out on submission. 

I wonder if I’m marking time in this wip because I don’t want to pour my heart and soul into another story that’ll struggle to find an agent/editor?  Rejections after requests send me from one emotional extreme to the other on a continual basis.  Perhaps my subconscious has intentionally stranded me in the doldrums.

I pray a strong trade wind blows my way soon else I may end up drowning my sorrows in cheap rum. ;)